“The best years of your life are the ones in which you decide your problems are your own. You do not blame them on your mother, the ecology or the president. You realize that you control your own destiny.” -Albert Ellis
The past couple of months have been an extremely different time for me. And it’s been hard and at times quite unpleasant. But I think I’m becoming the person I’m meant to be. I think I’m fine. Not finally fine, but just fine. It’s like I’ve grown up so much and realized that my life is really in my own hands. I think a lot of it has to do with allowing people like my family and friends to influence my decisions. But now I’m in a different state of mind where i actually think about what I want and what i need to do and become to get there, whether “there” is a place or a state of mind. I’ve had this idea of a “journey” floating around in the back of my mind for a few years now and I’m realizing what it actually means to me as a person, disregarding thinking of a journey as traveling from place to place. I am traveling from place to place, but in my mind. I don’t like calling myself mature but i do think that i have gained some sense of maturity and even more so, independence. i’m on my way, mentally. But still, I cant wait to get the fuck out of Arkansas.
Breathing deeply for once without feeling like I’m choking it’s coming as a surprise to me, like wow! Maybe I’m getting better? For a second I feel myself becoming something else, something alive, tidy, connected. Only for a second – it passes.